i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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