Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
