im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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