I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
