Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
