she was so not down for the gang bang
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
