if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
