glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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