How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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