There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I made him laugh his dick is mine
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
