just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
