watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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