i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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