K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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