I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
