Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
