I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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