i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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