why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
