I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
