the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
