She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
