So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize