Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
