I'm really into asian looking animals
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
