it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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