Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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