she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
