I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
my poor anus
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
