you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
