We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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