Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
