mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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