I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
