the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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