Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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