I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
