how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
