i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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