did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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