New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
