and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
