First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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