Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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