He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
