Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
