good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We just shotgunned beers for America
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
