after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
