Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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