Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
its not stalking. its research.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
