I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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