maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
