you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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