Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
