The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I haven't been this sober since birth.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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