There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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