Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
