It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize