don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I AM VODKA MAN
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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