well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
