You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
