so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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