she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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