Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
