can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
