i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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