just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
