Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
