she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your cock deserves a montage
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
